Heartbreak hurts. Feeling low today. Totally sucks.

I feel utterly stupid and like a right fucked up idiot today.

I met this guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. Lots to say about me huh seeing as I have to use a dating site to bag a date. Well, my repertoire of social skills ain’t really amazing hence I decided to use one. Fuck it I am just useless at making conversation with people in real life. I get bored out of my skin before people even say ‘boo’ to me! Anyhow where was I. Yes, I got chatting to this guy called Ash. Let me make something clear before I proceed any further. This whole dating site business was just a way of easing up my boredom for me. I didn’t actually have the slightest inclination nor intention to meet someone in real life. Yes call me a slutty tease but hey some things are meant to be kept in a virtual world and playing them out in a real life scenario sucks the fun out of them I guess. Well, that’s my philosophy. What anyone else thinks is their business. So as I mentioned I got chatting with this guy who came across very well spoken, cool and funny. But he started the conversation with a lie. He told me his name was Alex ( as my bunny, which is what prompted me to speak to him in the first place) when actually his real name is Ash. I got majorly pissed off. Alright after bullshitters, the other group of people I absolutely hate are liars. C’mon liars are worst than thief for me. At least with stealing, people can reform. But liars are deceptive, cruel and mean inherently. I cannot tolerate people who lie. Pisses me right off. Anyhow, he kind of apologised profusely and explained his reason for  telling the lies. Somehow, he warmed to my heart and I got carried away. Alright so my belief is that as humans we are heuristic by nature. Next thing, I know we set a date, I met him and he was as charming, articulate and good looking as I thought he was. I am an impulsive reactionary and this often gets me in trouble but hey we only live once so we might as well grab each opportunity we feel we must follow. I was bawled over by him.  C’mon which girl does not like good looks, good intellect and well refined men?. Name me one and I would call you bluff and a bullshitter. I met him a few more times. As well as being the perfect gentleman, he was an amazing kisser among other things. I kept on telling him that am sure there must be a catch somewhere as I certainly don’t believe that I have such good luck in life. Yes, I have a massive track record to prove that.

Sometime later, he asked me to get off the dating site as he was apparently serious about ‘us’ and didn’t want me to chat to other men. I kind of found that amusing but I went along as it was so endearing to think that he was thinking seriously about ‘us’. Next thing I knew, he became very cool towards me, sent me a text message saying that he wasn’t ready to fall in love with me as he had been hurt several times in the past and he would like us to remain ‘friends’. What the fuck. I was gutted. I had all my hopes high and he went ahead and picked my bubbles with a pin and busted them. I was seriously upset about it. He went quiet for a few days and last night he sent me a text saying that he had a deal for me. And listen to this. Because this is so surreal.  Believe it or not this is true. He explained that he wasn’t ready to fall in love with me ( fucking boring, I hate repetition. I got it the first time around alright. No need to fucking rub it in and make me bleed more you fucking moron), but he liked me and he would like us to meet once or twice a month for hot passionate lovemaking sessions and in the meantime we are both allowed to chat and date others as long as we don’t sleep with them. WHAT THE FUCK. THE SHEER ARROGANCE AND MOCKERY OF HIM. Alright, how cocky is that. It broke my heart. There was a chance that I was going to fall in love with him and I thought my feelings were being reciprocated. We both seemed to be totally smitten and into each other but as I have said my perception is all skewed up hence I see things the total opposite way. But what made him think that I would play along with this dirty sordid fucking proposal. I texted him back a reply saying that although I appreciated his offer, unfortunately, I couldn’t accept it. I MEAN C’MON THAT WAS TOTAL IGNORANCE. ARROGANCE IS EARNED BUT IGNORANCE YOU CAN’T HELP HAVING. I TOTALLY HATE HIM FOR THAT. FUCKING FUCKBAG ASSHOLE. ARRGHHHH.

Anyhow later at night when I told him how much I felt hurt and broken hearted by him, he suggested that we meet and he would kiss and cuddle me to make me feel better. FUCK YOU I SAID.

Am sorry guys for ranting on but I needed to get this off my chest. I feel so full of despair and miserable as fuck today.

On a more positive note, I managed to get off my ass and go for a walk in the park next to me today. It was cold but I had layers and layers on me and listening to Adele ‘Someone like you’ kind of made me more depressed and suicidal than ever, hence, not so positive after all. But seriously, that gal totally rocks. Such amazing, angelic and mellowing voice. Pulls the strings of my heart.

Here are some pics I took this morning:

I feel utterly stupid and like a right fucked up idiot today.

I met this guy on a dating site a few weeks ago. Lots to say about me huh seeing as I have to use a dating site to bag a date. Well, my repertoire of social skills ain’t really amazing hence I decided to use one. Fuck it I am just useless at making conversation with people in real life. I get bored out of my skin before people even say ‘boo’ to me! Anyhow where was I. Yes, I got chatting to this guy called Ash. Let me make something clear before I proceed any further. This whole dating site business was just a way of easing up my boredom for me. I didn’t actually have the slightest inclination nor intention to meet someone in real life. Yes call me a slutty tease but hey some things are meant to be kept in a virtual world and playing them out in a real life scenario sucks the fun out of them I guess. Well, that’s my philosophy. What anyone else thinks is their business. So as I mentioned I got chatting with this guy who came across very well spoken, cool and funny. But he started the conversation with a lie. He told me his name was Alex ( as my bunny, which is what prompted me to speak to him in the first place) when actually his real name is Ash. I got majorly pissed off. Alright after bullshitters, the other group of people I absolutely hate are liars. C’mon liars are worst than thief for me. At least with stealing, people can reform. But liars are deceptive, cruel and mean inherently. I cannot tolerate people who lie. Pisses me right off. Anyhow, he kind of apologised profusely and explained his reason for  telling the lies. Somehow, he warmed to my heart and I got carried away. Alright so my belief is that as humans we are heuristic by nature. Next thing, I know we set a date, I met him and he was as charming, articulate and good looking as I thought he was. I am an impulsive reactionary and this often gets me in trouble but hey we only live once so we might as well grab each opportunity we feel we must follow. I was bawled over by him.  C’mon which girl does not like good looks, good intellect and well refined men?. Name me one and I would call you bluff and a bullshitter. I met him a few more times. As well as being the perfect gentleman, he was an amazing kisser among other things. I kept on telling him that am sure there must be a catch somewhere as I certainly don’t believe that I have such good luck in life. Yes, I have a massive track record to prove that.

Sometime later, he asked me to get off the dating site as he was apparently serious about ‘us’ and didn’t want me to chat to other men. I kind of found that amusing but I went along as it was so endearing to think that he was thinking seriously about ‘us’. Next thing I knew, he became very cool towards me, sent me a text message saying that he wasn’t ready to fall in love with me as he had been hurt several times in the past and he would like us to remain ‘friends’. What the fuck. I was gutted. I had all my hopes high and he went ahead and picked my bubbles with a pin and busted them. I was seriously upset about it. He went quiet for a few days and last night he sent me a text saying that he had a deal for me. And listen to this. Because this is so surreal.  Believe it or not this is true. He explained that he wasn’t ready to fall in love with me ( fucking boring, I hate repetition. I got it the first time around alright. No need to fucking rub it in and make me bleed more you fucking moron), but he liked me and he would like us to meet once or twice a month for hot passionate lovemaking sessions and in the meantime we are both allowed to chat and date others as long as we don’t sleep with them. WHAT THE FUCK. THE SHEER ARROGANCE AND MOCKERY OF HIM. Alright, how cocky is that. It broke my heart. There was a chance that I was going to fall in love with him and I thought my feelings were being reciprocated. We both seemed to be totally smitten and into each other but as I have said my perception is all skewed up hence I see things the total opposite way. But what made him think that I would play along with this dirty sordid fucking proposal. I texted him back a reply saying that although I appreciated his offer, unfortunately, I couldn’t accept it. I MEAN C’MON THAT WAS TOTAL IGNORANCE. ARROGANCE IS EARNED BUT IGNORANCE YOU CAN’T HELP HAVING. I TOTALLY HATE HIM FOR THAT. FUCKING FUCKBAG ASSHOLE. ARRGHHHH.

Anyhow later at night when I told him how much I felt hurt and broken hearted by him, he suggested that we meet and he would kiss and cuddle me to make me feel better. FUCK YOU I SAID.

Am sorry guys for ranting on but I needed to get this off my chest. I feel so full of despair and miserable as fuck today.

On a more positive note, I managed to get off my ass and go for a walk in the park next to me today. It was cold but I had layers and layers on me and listening to Adele ‘Someone like you’ kind of made me more depressed and suicidal than ever, hence, not so positive after all. But seriously, that gal totally rocks. Such amazing, angelic and mellowing voice. Pulls the strings of my heart.

Here are some pics I took this morning