Horrible feelings of despair.

I feel as such a royal fuck up and a right bloody fool. Against my will, I caved in and went to see Ash last night after two days of texting back and forth. I didn't want to see him as he is so very inconsistent with his words and that is a trait I hate in people. I really missed him and it was made all the more poignant when I saw him. That guy is seriously fucking gorgeous.

I came home and stuffed my face till I could breathe no more. I feel such a stupid slag for caving in to my stomach. I wasn't even hungry but I went on a full blown mission to gorge my throat. I don't know whether I hate myself today or I just wanna die. I feel listless, empty and sucked out of life. I am going to stay hungry for the next 4 days I have decided. But knowing myself too well, I will fuck it up. I have a habit of fucking everything up. I am simply a fucking lost cause.

I took a picture of a barren land this morning and it replicates my feeling i.e. barren. Devoid of life and emotions.