Last night.

Last night I drove to Chobham. It's very beautiful, calming & quiet there.

So to get here, I have to come out of  my close ( that's where I live ). Its a cul de sac, built about 15 years ago & it's kind of away from the main road. Anyhow. So you drive out on the main road & can either take the motorway or a normal road- so depends on my mood which one I take - I caught the motorway last night as I was in a hurry, take the exit to Windsor, pass Virginia Water ( I love this place. I climb the trees & cross the river in the summer ), pass some beautiful houses and then hit the dark roads. Bendy, dark roads. I hit the junction to Knowles Avenue where my heart always does a little flip. Drive for another mile and a half and hit this beautiful place. It's hard to describe this place ( no I haven't reached the place I went to - this is just before ). This spot takes my breath away. Always. Alright. Imagine this. It's very high. Very low trees. And because you are at a certain height you feel like you can almost touch the sky. In the summer when the stars are out, you feel like you are with them. It's the most amazing feeling in the world. The only other place I feel this way is just before reaching Wick. It's as if the earth & sky are touching. In perfect harmony. And as if, if separated they would fall apart. And now imagine if the sky fall apart. How terribly terribly tragic would that be. Yes this is truly God's mercy on Earth. It’s a unique feeling.

So another 100 yards & am at my favourite place. It’s still on a high rise. And it gets very dark at night & is surrounded by dense woods. All you can hear is the sound of the motorway below and animals of the dark.  It's spectacular. The national trust put a bench here a couple of years ago so you can sit & absorb the silence. I always wondered if they did that for my pleasure. Ha ha.  It's very healing. This place is deeply touching & truly bewitching. You really have to be here to feel its presence.

I am fascinated by places. I am always somewhere as I have said before. I have driven all over the country driving myself mental in the process, going from places to places. I will drive for hours and hours to get there and once I reach that place, I would wanna be somewhere different. I am very restless and fidgety as a person. I cannot stay in one place for too long. I always wanna run away from where I am, almost to escape the person who I am. I am always looking for something, looking for something to calm my restless soul. I have stayed in some very beautiful places and some very isolated places too. I am not scared to be on my own. I revel and thrill in isolation. What I fear most is finding out who I am and hating myself with such a deep hatred that I would end up doing something awful to myself. Growing up, my family moved a lot. We were constantly on the move and lived in some very isolated, godforsaken places far from civilization as my papa had a job which required him to live in those places. Hence, I gather my love for isolation and constant move to places stems from my childhood. I also went to a school which was out of nowhere, surrounded by mountains, lakes and woods. It was such an idyllic and lazy time. I miss those days. Growing up on my own, leaving home at 17 and constantly moving has deepened my intensity of restlessness and made me lose my mind somewhere I guess.

Anyhow, I am a road junkie. Open, twisted, dark and dangerous roads excites me. I love driving at night. I love driving at high speed and knowing that I might crash. I love knowing that I might crash but won’t. I am reckless and stupidly careless. I take a lot of chances. Absurd chances at times. But the control lies in me knowing that I won’t crash. The fun element is I might crash and everything would be quiet and peaceful. The sheer satisfaction that death brings. Unparallel to any high.

Not many things gets my heart racing and adrenaline pumping in the world except for spectacular roads, quirky towns, out of reach places, high speed cars, good books, soulful lyrics and my junk food addict, leg humping bunny Alex.