Mushroom Farm.

This morning I decided that I absolutely had to visit this beautiful mushroom farm in Oxford, which is roughly an estimated 45 miles on the motorway from where I live. I had an urge to see mushrooms grow. Beats me don't ask me why. Well, what else can I do when my days are so boring just as my personality. 

But yes guess what the mushroom fucking farm is closed. It's the wrong season, wrong time of the year etc etc. Well it's fucking wrong of them to be even existing there let's put it that way. O I get so annoyed at bad adverts. Why advertise it when they fully know that they are closed. I bet they sit there behind their desks, post these little tempting ads on line and just wait for dumbhead asses like me to turn up so they can get their laughing kick and blow raspberries at pillocks like me. Smug bastardised dickheads. Smug, priggish, self conceited slugs. I hate you all. Not their fault really. I have no organisational skills whatsoever ( nah you don't say Aish ). A life time of education has basically taught me nothing. Taught me fuck all. All its done is taint my innocence, ravished my brain and made me more confused than ever. Sometimes I even ask myself if the education system has brainwashed me because I do feel like the cat-woman sometimes: staggeringly super slick sexy and remarkably uncontrollable. But then the rational part of my brain kicks in and scream ' shut the fuck up you stupid demented woman - your education has just made you apathetically incorrigible mess causing more chaos than order in your brain'. Well guys and gals, I wouldn't frankly put anything past this corrupt government. After all, history will prove that coalition never works. The only thing that works best in life is flying solo. An adventurous epic that is. I bet this is all a smartly devised ploy of the govt, to get us all super educated so that they can slowly mass murder us with the torture of books. O fuck where was I. Yes the place is closed and am pissed off. I hate inconsistencies and false promises. I hate the metro too. Always promises us a great summer and all they deliver is two days of a poor sorry sun trying its best to show its ass just to please us and take a long holiday for the rest of the season. Even the sun likes the Caribbean islands more than us - can you see that. The sun says fuck you you miserable lot who can't be arsed to take a day off to enjoy my grace on you so it goes to a place where it is more appreciated. I hate the sun. Fuck you sun. You big yellow fiery hot thingy melting the ice and killing the poor polar bears. Yes Mr Sun I blame it all on you. I mean what did those wee beautiful things ever done to you to deserve that. And I blame the Sun newspaper. For destroying the environment by chopping off the trees. All that tree cutting causing massive deforestation and shortening the lifespan of the polar bears. Damn you Sun. I mean C'mon have they not hit the new age era yet. Who reads newspapers these says ( me me me  ). Haven't they heard of online publishing. Gee. Get a life both of you. Sun plus Sun equals Matt I calculated very cleverly. Yes I blame you my friend Matt too for the destruction of the universe. Okay my list of blame for him is quite long and I can't bullet point them here but suffice to say that I blame his rover with extra carbon emission causing more footprints on the ecological climate. I mean seriously why not use an Eco friendly, environmentally sustainable, solar or wind operated motor instead.





That's mine. Darn. Damn. Fuck.




That's Matt's Wheels. Ah man, I wish I had money to own such a beauty!




Fuck where was I. Alright take a look at this pic      

What do you see. A garlic farm. Good eyesight by the way. So I went there with the full knowledge that it is a garlic farm which grows garlic. Genius. Wrong. The farm imports garlic from Egypt and hang them to dry in the shop. Alright. Fair enough. I fully expected to find some beautiful, gorgeous looking, yummy tasting garlics. Wrong again. All I got was some garlic and chilli ice creams which tasted awesome by the way.

O. Matt is someone very special to me. He drives a beautiful brand new 4&4 Rover. I love that wheel. Always makes me feel small, petite and fragile when I sit in it. Lol. Well at least that's what I think but don't listen to me as my perception is too often screwed up. Classic of me!